Can't make it? Fine
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I regretfully cannot attend, the kid from Air Bud just shit the bed.
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Get this: The Pope gave me syphilis
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Get this: the kid from Airbud stabbed me
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I was minding my own business and boom! My Tinder date poured lemonade in my gas tank
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This is going to sound like an excuse, but Dan Rather found my box of human teeth
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I feel terrible but a sad clown died in front of me.
Doesn’t track. One less clown in the world, why feel terrible? (/s if it’s not obvious).
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Get this: The Pope gave me syphilis
I got it from Dan Rather…
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I feel terrible but a sad clown died in front of me.
Doesn’t track. One less clown in the world, why feel terrible? (/s if it’s not obvious).
Don’t judge me:
It wasn’t the last one
/s
Is the “punchline” to that type of saying about a demographic you don’t like, with the added implication of why you’re doing something else that night.
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Or just tell them why your car isn’t working:
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I know youre going to hate me, but the ghost of hitler posted my nudes on instagram
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Get this: The Pope gave me syphilis
If I tell them a high school marching band gave me syphilis, I’ll end up in prison.
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I was minding my own business and boom! My Tinder date poured lemonade in my gas tank
So, will there be a second date?
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I know youre going to hate me, but Dan Rather posted my nudes on instagram
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This is going to sound crazy but my high school marching band just shit the bed.
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I was minding my own business and Boom! my nephew gave me syphilis.
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Can’t make it to the game. Henry Cavill showed up and slept with my wife. I can’t decide if I’m offended or turned on.
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Please forgive my absence, my Tinder date found my box of human teeth.
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This is going to sound crazy but the ghost of Hitler died in front of me.
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Get this, a high school marching band stabbed me.
Et tu, tromboner?
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