last week i asked for a movie that made me go "what the fuck is going on for real" and wow this movie is certainly delivering #monsterdon

ok what is so special about this one woman, why can't the hypnotist with all his mega riches find some other woman who likes being channeled into her sea creature past to murder everyone with #monsterdon

it's an important methodological limitation that casting someone's immortal soul into a hemideity/cryptid requires the constant high partial pressure of water and spirits that can only be found near a haunted ocean #monsterdon

fuck yeah baby blast the newsreel montage into my veins, this is how information propagates #monsterdon

there are so many threads they are keeping in the air - the dog, the ocean, the steam, the academic rivalry... you can't just add a love triangle into the middle of all that #monsterdon

ancient sea monsters just hate seeing it when people make out!!!! #monsterdon

so listen i am expecting nothing less than the other hypnotist having figured out how to summon kaiju and for this to turn into a full on kaiju movie #monsterdon

they did the love triangle entirely in subtext and now we are expected to care about the woman being in love with the other hypnotist. if elizabeth's soul was instead like intent on being free then maybe they could motivate the sea creature murders as being just a wild expression of a repressed soul, but making her just be in love with the other hypnotist is such a waste #monsterdon

i can only recognize three men in this movie: the evil hypnotist by the oil in his hair, the good hypnotist by the bulge in his eyes, and the rich plutocrat by the tooth in his mustache. every other man is a total blur, and there are anywhere between 2 and 9 of them #monsterdon

SHOWING UP ON THE BEACH TO SHOW DOWN WITH MY LOVER AND THIS DOG IN MY TOP HAT #MONSTERDON

IS the dog the woman!?!? is she split between three life paths. beyond the madonna/whore complex, there is the sea hag/dog/passive love object triplex #monsterdon

adding to the steam, dog, and ocean unexplained subplots, there is the "why are their eyes like that" subplot, with the woman's doll eyelashes and the good doctor's bulged eyes. #monsterdon

FUCK whoever did the rich guy's mustache
MARRY whoever did the sea monster's kelp hair
KILL whoever did the woman's eye makeup
#monsterdon

i'm barely aware of what's going on in this movie because it's almost 100% headcanon for me, so the last 7 minutes where they try and close up shop are going to be a wild ride #monsterdon

why would you make a whole movie premised on the fact that all women used to be murderous sea monsters and then do NOTHING WITH THAT #monsterdon

moral of the story: don't cast women back into their primoridial sea monster form to kill your enemies and force them to fall in love with you, because they will turn against you and kill you instead so they can release their soul in the present from the life of torture you made them endure #monsterdon

they made the bad hypnotist do this last scene with chocolate sauce all over his face #monsterdon

hafhuiafeuihlwfiuhlefhuirlghiuafh "there, fire, where i'm pointing at hurry up" holy fuck that is so good #monsterdon

i can't fucking breath, i can't believe it, the question mark ending, that's the only ending any movie in #monsterdon can ever have from now on

@Taweret i was bunted over into https://tubitv.com/movies/536459/the-beach-girls-and-the-monster-original-uncut-schlock-classic by autoplay and it is immediately clear that this needs to be entered into the voting queue #monsterdon